life transitions

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it’s been about two and a half weeks since a car smashed me into the asphalt descending Old Castle road and things are slowly, very slowly, moving along.  The past weeks have kind of passed by in the blur but I guess that’s to be expected when you are all drugged up on pain meds.  I have pretty much quit taking the pain meds as of last week though.  I’d rather deal with the constant discomfort and pain than live in a fog.  I am having surgery next Monday on my clavicle in order to have it heal correctly.  By then it will be just over 3 weeks since the crash and I’m hoping recovery goes well but I am pretty sure the thing holding me back from getting back to any real activity will be my 5 broken ribs.  They are what still cause the most pain on a daily basis.

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I’m in good spirits though.  I am trying to just view this as another bump in the road and will make me better at all things in life in the long run.  Other than some long walks (3+ miles) with Ruby I haven’t done anything active.  It’s definitely wearing on me a bit and it’s hands down the longest break from working out/physical activity since I can remember.  Even before I started racing and training late in 2005 I surfed most days, hit the skatepark, and would run for fun.  Being sedentary is hard for me and my body doesn’t like it.  It’s makes me appreciate (even more than I already did) how good it feels to get out for a run and sweat or head out for a surf.

A lot of people have asked me when I’ll be back training and out riding.  The truth is… I have NO idea.  I am more worried about when I can walk, get in and out of  bed, sit at my desk, play with ruby, and  hug maggie with out it feeling like some body is stabbing my in the ribs or my clavicle is about to bust through the skin!  I was just getting back to running after injuring myself back in February so hopefully some time in July I can start jogging… but I can’t really think about riding.  I would lying if I said the thought of getting back out on the road wasn’t freaking me out.  Maybe it would have been better if I would blacked out during my crash because I have can still see it all when I close my eyes.  Thinking about it makes me cringe and I’ve actually had a few gnarly dreams about it…. maybe the percocet caused those!  I hope this will pass because I do really love riding my bikes and I don’t like the feeling that fear is holding me back from doing something I really enjoy.

On one hand though I have no plans to race my bike.  Other than jumping into some cyclocross races this fall (if I’m healthy) and I don’t foresee a lot, if any, road racing in my future.  I still want to figure out this ultra running thing and surf my brains out.  This was supposed to be my year of being a “runner” but 2013 is already half way over and I haven’t run or raced much.  Kind of a bust.  I’ve also had this urge to get to surfing the way I did prior to 2006.  I used to surf 300+ days a year and loved it.  I really think I can find a perfect balance between running and surfing… and in my mind they are very similar and can compliment each other.  I don’t want to train my life  away.  I wanna be fit, race well, but most importantly have fun.  I know I can be a super happy dude hanging out with Maggie, spending a ton of time with ruby, training for ultra running, surfing, and being around my friends.  To me that sounds like a damn good life.

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even before my crash my life and the way I think was changing.  The last couple of years have been quite the roller coaster ride.  I have had a lot of highs and lows but over the last 6+ months I’ve felt like  my life was getting to an all time high and I was living a life that was truly “me”.  What’s important to me now and what was even just 3 years are very different.  Going forward I plan to make even more of an effort to do the things that truly make me happy.

  3 comments for “life transitions

  1. June 12, 2013 at 11:10 am

    Well written James. What you are showing is that everyone needs to step back and evaluate to step forward. I’ve been where you are with bikes. I have the scars all over my face that are a constant reminder. It’s a distant memory but also a constant awareness. I still can’t fly down a hill that has driveways or cross streets.
    Hang in there and let Ruby be your guide for awhile.

  2. June 18, 2013 at 10:44 am

    For some reason, I found a common theme between your post and this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TttKk_9BwOA&feature=youtu.be

    I have always found your journey enjoyable, thoughtful and real. No doubt in my mind, this recovery will find you coming through stronger and a better man.

    Live it.

  3. Kiet
    June 18, 2013 at 10:47 am

    If you’re gonna choose to live, you’re gonna have downs along with ups, and me thinks you are choosing to live. Enjoy the downtime because I’m positive it ain’t going to last long.

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